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"Why can't you show me the money?" Online payment platforms and the pitfalls.

Updated: Aug 16

When I started out in this business, I was full of new ideas and solutions to problems I saw in the industry. So much didn't make sense and I saw endless gaps in the market. Safety and anonymity were a large consideration for me and I soon looked into the idea of third parties to safely handle my deposits and other income.

After a long and very informative series of conversations with Domina Jemma, an industry professional for many years who has worked internationally, I soon saw the pitfalls were numerous, and most of all, complex. Throughout the years, this has been reinforced during conversations with colleagues.


Sex work has generally posed a cost to providers: a loss of anonymity and possibly safety from social stigma as well as general harm. Many online platforms have sought to lessen that risk by providing  a buffer for sex workers, so why have none of them worked?

Well, as all of us in the business know, sex work has never been, and is unlikely to be socially accepted as a career, despite the legislation or perceived grooviness of a country, generally sex work is kept underground and framed as illegitimate by tricky legal loopholes and misinformation. The reasons why this happens i explored in a previous blog “ Sex work, whats your problem?”, and no matter what your opinions are on the fairness of society’s view of this job, until patriarchy and its wide reach into religion, law, schools, businesses, and mass media, disappears, it is highly unlikely that we will be embraced with the warmth of other multi billion dollar industries. 


One of the biggest problems we face here in the UK alongside legal grey areas regarding sex work and general alignment with criminal elements in many peoples minds, is the influence of USA legislation Fosta Sesta and the enforcement of the Nordic Model, both engineered by “anti trafficking” movements to criminalise the solicitation and patronisation of adult services, ie: if you advertise sex work, or pay for it, they want you to be prosecuted to ‘save women’. More on why that's ridiculous here.



The knock on effect for providers is that running our own platforms to take money for sexual services now leaves us open to payment providers removing their services (namely Mastercard) and bank accounts being revoked without warning. Most financial institutions are under no obligation to give a reason why this may occur, but many argue that they are protecting themselves from being associated with or prosecuted for receiving the profits of sex work.

It's complex to deal with, it's unseemly, the CEOs wife doesn't like it, and they'd rather avoid the hassle.


One very well known and successful sex worker revealed to me at dinner that she had lost 3 bank accounts and was nervous about VAT registration despite the popularity of her services and years in the industry. It's notably an ongoing issue that we are banned from PayPal, Cashapp, plus many SWs are finding that their Only Fans accounts are now in violation of one term or another, putting their income, and in some cases extremely large earnings at risk. Only Fans have refused to release funds to many workers in violation for the same fear of Fosta Sesta, whether they are actively soliciting or not. 

Often platforms allow ‘chargebacks’ from subscribers who claim a payment is fraudulent and the platform refund as standard. I have even seen Net a Porter gift cards refunded as the company cottoned on to them being used as a payment method, and again wanted to disassociate themselves from the industry.

So how can we make money without fear?


I earlier mentioned a price, and the biggest price of this job is the social stigma. If you're going to release your name to a client to receive a payment, you lose anonymity, which is unfeasible for many who find they can now only take appointments with cash payments. This method has long been a staple of in person workers, who develop a sixth sense for clients and hand down safety measures, which I personally learned from my mentors and years of in person working, and would never share online outside of the industry, or indeed, for a fee.

This leaves an industry vacuum which many online platforms have sought to fill. A popular format is that of the wishlist to receive monetary gifts, and Wishtender was a recent example of the success and subsequent failure of these attempts. 

The ins and outs of the reasons why Wishtender was closed can be argued back and forth, but the fact is those outside of the industry generally refuse to accept that this work is actively stigmatized. and that there's a whole abolitionist movement that seeks to stop us being sex workers. That's why it fails.


I recently spoke to the developer of a platform that offers to take bookings for sex workers, hold their money prior to appointments, and promotes itself as a safer option.

The developer definitely felt that the ambiguity of language and the description of ‘paid intimacy’ on the site would avoid the payment provider issues that other sites had faced, and where that may be true at first, these sites are designed to grow to provide better service user interaction, as well as profit. Time and time again, we have seen this success become the downfall. Whether it being via the indiscretion of SWs on social media, vindictive reports, or simply the abolitionist pressures catching up with them, the sites inevitably face difficulties which force them to change their terms or service to the point they become of no use to SWs, or simply close.

The risk never lies with the company themselves however, and every time a platform dies hundreds of service users are left without a way to receive payment which they previously relied on. This can lead to decisions that put people who have not received in person payments or used their real name in transactions before at immediate risk: suddenly doxxing and assault are something providers may have to risk to maintain income.

Furthermore, any one offering safety via an online system is misleading the user. 


Conviction rates of those who assault women in the UK is at an all time low and there has been a 37% increase in violent crimes against women and girls from 2018 to 2023. (Office of National Statistics July 2024). Holding a clients ID may be seen as a deterrent for some, but given that most victims of sexual assault are assaulted by those known to them, and that convictions are not going up, the figures don't translate.

When i worked as a support worker for a sex workers outreach charity in the South West of England, I was court advocate for many women who had faced sexual violence and assault, and alongside the cases I covered as a journalist, the treatment of service providers that i witnessed was as abysmal as expected. When I was assaulted myself, in public, by someone who had seven previous accusations against him, I was dismayed to find he was let off with probation and further disgusted when the officer overseeing my case offered to take some "private work photos" for me now my hearing was over.

The institutional abuse of sex workers by police officers in the UK is not something I have the energy or legal representation to write about right now. Watch this space.


Whilst surveying clients myself I found that most mid earning clients were reluctant to hand over ID due to a fear of an ‘Ashely Madison’ data breach situation, something no site cannot promise will never happen. Wealthier clients often didn't care, but as wise old SWs all know, the higher earning the client, the higher the risk: rich men have good lawyers and can often pay their way out of a scandal or an assault charge, so handing over ID is no biggie for them.

We cannot ignore the class difference being enforced again here generally. Online users negate an in person risk and those who cannot take a deposit or ID, but who need to earn via this source regardless, are left to the decency of clients who won't provide either, and without the protection of peers which we have traditionally relied upon, and our safeguarding community, we leave our sisters, and brothers, out there increasingly alone with a defunct legal system as protection.


What it comes down to is that the reliable, safe, sustainable platform we all dream of doesn't exist because it can't currently, many have tried and many have failed, and whatever the motivation of someone trying to establish one, we should be wary and maintain our traditional safety and payment methods.

The UK Labour government are staunchly anti sex work and with the implementation of the Online Safety Act, we face an unsure future outside of in person work and as those receiving electronic payments for adult services.

Attempts to sanitize this work or legitimize it as an industry will not fail because providers aren't smart or haven't tried everything, they will fail because we hold a certain place in society which has necessitated a certain code of conduct. Trusting those outside of the industry to protect our wellbeing is unwise, and the rise of online agents / digital pimps exploiting providers' income and content is intimidating. As well as more fuel for the Fosta Sesta fans.


So if you, with all this in consideration, wish to utilize the plethora of payment platforms, I'd suggest consulting an experienced industry professional who doesn't use them to ask why, and most of all, having that eternal plan B ready just in case.


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